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If it happens, let's say, through a social network, it takes an unreasonable amount of time, which can even compare to the amount of time spent finding a date offline.
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Some sites will then allow you to see the content of those messages, others won’t. This means that unless the person contacting you sends you a phone number, or email address (some sites automatically remove these) you won’t be able to contact them until you pay for your membership.